Dr. Randy clears up!

Hello Dr. Randy, My partner and I would like to try out BDSM - but how? (Walter, 63 years) My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years now and would like to try something new. Since we both place a lot of value on fidelity, we don't want to attend cruising events or anything like that. Instead, we wondered if BDSM might be an option for us. We both have no experience here yet, but we are curious. In the meantime, we are considering how it would make the most sense to proceed. Yes, we know that such considerations sound unromantic. But we are both comparatively safety fanatics and would like to know what we are getting into. How should we go about it? LG, Walter Dear Walter, you seem to have relatively precise ideas about what you want to experience in bed. That's good. Many couples don't dare to talk to each other about the "most beautiful secondary matter in the world". So far, so good. Since the BDSM area is a...

Help, Dr. Randy, my partner is humiliating me. I can't take it anymore! (Karsten, 46 years) I am Karsten, I am 46 years old and I have been together with my boyfriend for over seven years. We often move in the BDSM scene, which turns me on personally very much. But this is also not the real problem. Unfortunately, I have noticed for some time that my boyfriend takes what we do in bed into everyday life. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes he really insults me in front of our friends. He says I'm stupid, incompetent and generally too fat. The whole thing went so far the other day that I got up and left. I think there's a huge difference between role-playing in bed and actually making my partner feel like he's not worth anything. Somehow I don't want to break up. Slowly, though, I don't see any way out of it. He doesn't take me seriously when I complain about it. I hope you Kannst Helfen, thank you your Karsten ...

Hi Dr. Randy, I think my dad is gay. (Chris, age 23) where do I start? I came out about two years ago and I remember that my father in particular reacted very harshly. If I had still lived at home at that time, he would have kicked me out for sure. Anyway, the other day I saw in the browser history of his laptop that he was looking at gay porn. Not just one! In fact, I found a complete collection of porn with men. Is my father gay himself? And if so: what does that mean for my mother? I have no idea how to deal with this. If I bring it up to him, I'm sure he'll freak out anyway. However, the issue is on my mind a lot. I've seen what I've seen, and I can't do it like this either. Love greetings Chris Dear Chris, first of all, of course, I am sorry that you had such a bad experience with your own outing. In fact, there are many gay m...

Hello Dr. Randy, I can't tolerate lubricant (Simon, 32 years old). As already mentioned in the headline, I do not tolerate lubricant gel. After sex with gel I almost always suffer from pustules and itching. Surely you can imagine that this also diminishes my desire for eroticism, even though I'm only 32 years young. Meanwhile, I always have the consequences in the back of my mind during sex, because I know that I will most likely be "out of order" in this respect for a few days. But: I can't or don't want to do without the gel completely, because my boyfriend is so well endowed that the whole thing becomes unpleasant or painful. In short, I am looking for a solution that will allow me to enjoy sex again. Do you have any ideas? Thanks for a tip, Simon Dear Simon, Your problem is not uncommon. There are many men who can't tolerate lube - even though the manufacturers are now making great efforts to...

Hello Dr. Randy! What do I do if the condom actually breaks once? (Bernd, 56 years) First of all: I love to cruise. Even though I'm not doing it at the moment due to corona, I can hardly wait until the "cruising season" starts again for me. However, I still have one question: What do I do if the condom should actually burst or tear at some point? I mean, I'm 65 years old and don't know the guys and therefore can't estimate how often they change their partners and how high the risk is to get infected. Understandably, I'm especially worried about HIV infection. My absolute horror is that I have to endure the uncertainty. Or rather, at what point would I be able to take an HIV test? Where would I have to go? To the doctor? Kind regards Bernd Dear Bernd, first of all it should be said that you are not alone with your worries. There are many difficult...

Servus Dr. Randy, my partner has left me and I am very bad with it. (Dirk, 52 years) My boyfriend and I were together for about three years. Now everything is over. And although I have been through several breakups and was actually sure that nothing could shake me in this respect, it has hit me cold. I don't think I've ever had such a bad heartbreak in my life. Of course, I have already talked to him and tried to convince him about us. Nothing has worked. He is of the opinion that he wants to live his life alone now and that all this has nothing to do with me (allegedly). I feel like a teenager even though I am over 52 years old. I've even called the telephone counselling service... Which I've never done. But the whole thing has not really helped me. Actually, I just want to have my old life back! Thank you and kiss, Dirk Dear Dirk, sic...

Hello Dr. Randy, my relationships with men keep falling apart (Sascha, 42 years). I came out two years ago. In the meantime I am 42 years old. I used to have longer relationships with women, but at some point I realized that I was gay. With my outing I am doing very well. I finally have the feeling that I can be myself. What I notice though is that my relationships with men don't seem to last long. I meet a lot of guys, sometimes we date for a few weeks and then I get ghosted. What am I doing wrong? Surely none of this can be a coincidence! LG, Sascha Dear Sascha, first of all I am very happy that you are happy with your outing. It's a pity that you haven't had too good experiences so far. Many men find that it sometimes takes a little time to find your way in the scene. Why it has not worked out for you so far....

Hello Dr. Randy, my boyfriend is still in contact with his ex (Lasse, 32 years). I've been dating a guy for about two weeks. At 32, we both finally want "something serious" and have changed our relationship status on social media. So you could assume that we are in agreement on this point and are on the same track. I also believe him that he loves me or has deep feelings for me, but it bothers me incredibly that he still has contact with his ex. Sometimes the two of them joke about experiences from the past. I always feel so left out then. His ex is currently single and "no slouch". How do I know that the two of them won't slip up at some point? Help, Lasse Dear Lasse, difficult situation. On the one hand, you don't want to restrict your boyfriend, but on the other hand, your alarm bells go off when you think that he still has contact with his e...

Hello Dr. Randy, as soon as I have had sex, I suffer from pain (Ferdi, 46 years). It is probably an increased level of suffering that has caused me to turn to you today. For a few weeks now, I have noticed that I am skeptical about having sex with my boyfriend. Not because I don't feel like it, but because I know from the start that I'm going to be in pain again. I haven't been to the doctor about it yet, but I'm afraid that sooner or later I won't be able to avoid it. I've also never had a prostate exam in my mid-40s - simply because it makes me uncomfortable. Is there any way I can find out for myself what the problem is? I haven't talked to my boyfriend about it yet. I think he would be upset anyway if he knew I had put my problem on the back burner. LG, your Ferdi Dear Ferdi, unfortunately I have to tell you that you are definitely not acting on your own...