Hello Dr. Randy, My partner and I would like to try out BDSM - but how? (Walter, 63 years)

My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years now and would like to try something new. Since we both place a lot of value on fidelity, we do not want to visit cruising events or the like. Instead, we wondered if BDSM might be an option for us.

We both have no experience here yet, but are curious. In the meantime, we are considering how it would make the most sense to proceed. Yes, we know that such considerations sound unromantic. But we are both comparatively safety fanatics and would like to know what we are getting into. How should we go about it?

LG, Walter

We would like to test out BDSM

Dear Walter,

you seem to have relatively clear ideas about what you want to experience in bed. That's good. Many couples don't dare to talk to each other about the "most beautiful thing in the world.

So far, so good. Since the BDSM area is a wide-ranging topic, it is of course difficult (or impossible) for me to give you a guide to the hand. However, I can almost assure you that you will do best in any case, if you slowly get to grips with this special kind of sex.

It seems that you are open about your preferences and interests. I would therefore suggest that you simply visit a sex store together and let yourselves be inspired a little. Honestly, you don't need to know anything about BDSM to realize that there are soft toys, such as whips, handcuffs and the like, and harder things, such as electric clamps.

It's best to choose something from the soft corner for the beginning, try it out and - if you like it - increase slowly.

And: no matter if you are a "security fanatic" - as you call it - or not: in any case, agree on a code word that you can use to indicate that the whole thing is getting too painful for you! Especially in the context of role-playing games, misunderstandings can otherwise quickly arise.

Otherwise, your imagination in the field of BDSM - if all parties involved agree - is actually almost no limits. Many BDSM fans, who today pursue their passion in numerous facets, have once started like you.

And if you try the erotic game with the pain, but then realize afterwards that the whole thing is not for you, you can still book the experience in the category "experience". Either way, you'll definitely grow together as a couple - whether you continue to pursue this kind of sex or not. And that's what it's all about, isn't it? About having experiences together that you will (maybe?) remember for a long time.

Have fun!
Your Dr. Randy

 

It is very hard for me, but he betrayed me

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