Dr. Randy clears up!

My friend writes with another (Matze, 27 years) Hello Dr. Randy, I am the Matze 27 and I must admit that I am also to some extent to blame for my current situation, but... It happened now once. I looked into the cell phone of my friend. He was in the bath and why I did it, I do not know myself exactly. Maybe I had some kind of premonition. In his progress, I saw that he has been texting for weeks (!) with another guy, who has been pissing him off about his relationship. I don't know this guy. But he also keeps sending pictures of himself and writing to my boyfriend that he wishes his husband was that understanding. My boyfriend obviously doesn't think it's necessary to show boundaries. On the contrary! He also sends pictures diligently. Should I call him on it? The whole thing is driving me crazy. Of course, I currently use every free minute to browse his phone.... LG, Matz...

Where can I meet gay men? Hello Dr. Randy, My question may sound like it is being asked by a young man. However, I am actually 46 years old and just realized my homosexuality a few weeks ago. I came out to my parents (both well over 70!) and to my circle of friends and was pleasantly surprised. Absolutely no one was shocked or anything like that. Maybe one or the other already suspected that I am gay. Anyway, I now have the problem that I would incredibly like to meet other gay men. Whether I would like to have a firm relationship, I do not know just yet. Maybe I'm just looking for a casual atmosphere? Anyway: where can I meet gay men? Since I live in the country, the whole thing is a bit more difficult than in the big city - at least I think so. LG, your Lars Dear Lars, I am very happy that your coming out off...

Can I visit a gay cinema alone? (Tim, 22 years) Hello Dr. Randy, unfortunately I have to admit that I am currently a bit annoyed by my circle of friends. They all keep telling me how cool it would be to go to a gay cinema. Many of my buddies make a real happening out of this, so I feel strange that I have never been there. I have not really admitted that I have no experience in this. I've always held back in the conversations. But I would also have a strange feeling to join my clique. Can I actually visit a gay cinema alone? Best regards, your Tim Dear Tim, you are right. There really are a lot of gay men who frequent gay movie theaters on a regular basis. Often it's not just about the movies or the cruising, but rather the mix of "everything". Sex or gay cinemas have sometimes evolved significantly over time - at least di...

I would like to cruise for the first time. What do I have to keep in mind? (Max, 27 years) Hello Dr. Randy, I am Max and have been in a committed relationship for about two years. For a few months now, I've had the feeling that we've run out of steam, even though we love each other. That's why I asked my partner if he would like to go on a little cruising adventure. I imagine that I have sex with another man and he watches me. He seemed relatively open to the topic. Jealousy has never really been a big issue with us anyway. But now I'm wondering if the whole thing was really a good idea. Is there anything I need to be aware of when cruising? Can something "go wrong"? Kind regards Max Dear Max, first of all I want to tell you that you are indeed right. Cruising can really help to refresh a "fallen asleep" relationship again. However, this is not always the case! Sometimes it can...

I cheated on him - what should I do? (Mike, 25 years) Dear Dr. Randy, somehow it seems strange to me that I of all people have to write this mail. After all, I was always the one who advocated monogamous relationships among my friends. When my buddies told me about cruising, I almost reacted angrily. Now I've actually cheated on my longtime boyfriend myself. I don't know if I can bring myself to tell him. Soberly, the one night stand was actually "just" sex. I am neither in love nor do I want to see the other man again. Inside, it's eating me up. I'm afraid my boyfriend will leave me. And honestly, I wouldn't know if I could forgive HIM for such a misstep either. What should I do? Confess or rather keep quiet? Your Mike Dear Mike, I'm sure you're hoping that I can offer you the ultimate solution. Maybe you expect a pre...

I have a big fear of coming out (Philip 21 years) Hello Dr. Randy, I'm Philip and I'm 21 years old. Thinking back, I've actually known for a few years that I have no interest in women. Yes, I am gay and have even had some experiences with men in the past. I know that this is absolutely "okay" and that I will certainly be happy with a loving partner at some point. However, I am extremely afraid to talk about my gayness with those around me. Especially the thought of my parents' reaction worries me. My father is very conservative and - I think - my mother wants almost nothing more than to become a grandmother someday. What should I do? I sometimes feel like it's tearing me apart inside when I'm approached about not having a girlfriend yet, Love, Philip Dear Philip, thank you very much for your mail. First of all fr...

How important is anal irrigation before sex? (Wolf, 51years) Hello Dr. Randy, I am Wolf and 51 years old. My question is: How important is anal lavage before sex? What risks can this pose to me? Kind regards Wolf Dear Wolf, thank you very much for your question! Indeed, this is a consideration that occupies many homosexuals. Basically, you can clean or "rinse" your bowels with an anal douche - as the name actually says. Many men find sex more pleasurable after a flush, as they run less risk of coming into contact with feces, residue, and the like. Some feel that this is an extreme turn-off. (It must be said, however, that the feces are normally located in the upper part of the intestine and are therefore usually difficult to reach for the penis anyway - except shortly before going to the toilet). However, sex after anal douching is definitely more hygienic than without. Gera...

Gay men are confronted with a number of questions in everyday life. Especially when it comes to the topic of sex, the famous question marks sometimes appear on the forehead. For example, should you use a rubber contraceptive even in a committed relationship? What should be considered in connection with cruising? And how can orgasms possibly be experienced a little more intensively? If you are also dealing with questions of this kind, you have found the right contact person in Dr. Randy. Sometimes it's difficult to talk about such personal topics with friends and acquaintances. Just turn to Dr. Randy with confidence! He will inform you, work discreetly and answer your questions comprehensively. Clarification: more important than ever! Of course, we don't assume that Dr. Randy has to explain the principle of gay sex to you. But: a comprehensive education goes beyond the classic sex and can even help you, among other things, to...

Should I use a condom the first time I have anal sex? (Manuel, 23 years) Hello Dr. Randy, I am Manuel, 23 years old and come from Hamburg. About half a year ago I had my coming out and now I am in a (more or less) steady partnership. I have never had sex with a man, but my boyfriend has had many experiences. He recently said that you don't have to use contraception the first time you have anal sex, because nothing could happen. Is this true? I would be grateful for a short-term answer. Kind regards Manuel Dear Manuel, thank you very much for your letter. First of all, I am glad that after your coming out you could now find a - as you say - "more or less" steady partner. Some relationships simply need a little longer to develop. Therefore, I would first like to give you the tip to take your time. If you are sure that you want to experience your first time with your partner, you should also take some time to...