I cheated on him - what should I do? (Mike, 25 years)
Dear Dr. Randy,
Somehow it seems strange to me that I of all people have to write this mail. After all, I was always the one who stood up for monogamous relationships in my circle of friends. When my buddies told me about cruising, I almost reacted angrily.
Now I have actually cheated on my longtime boyfriend myself. I don't know if I can bring myself to tell him. Soberly considered, the one night stand was actually "only" sex. I am neither in love nor do I want to see the other man again.
Inside it eats me up. I am afraid that my friend will leave me. And honestly, I wouldn't know if I could forgive HIM for such a misstep. What should I do? Confess or rather keep quiet?
Your Mike
Dear Mike,
surely you are hoping that I can offer you the ultimate solution. Perhaps you expect a proposal that will save your relationship and at the same time relieve you of your guilty conscience. Unfortunately, I can't offer you all that. I receive numerous letters every week from men who have cheated on their boyfriends. (Which is not to say that this is exclusively a "homosexual phenomenon"! Of course, people who are in a heterosexual relationship also cheat).
Whether you should confess your misstep or not, however, you can only answer yourself. I always advise the following: if you notice that your guilty conscience is getting out of hand, that it is negatively influencing your everyday life (and thus also your relationship), you should summon up all your courage and tell your sweetheart the truth. You can't undo what has happened. But: maybe you can convince your boyfriend with your subsequent sincerity and genuine (!) remorse?
However, you should be aware that it is also possible that your sweetheart will separate from you (or at least demand time off). You should allow him to make this decision. He will certainly need some time to digest the whole thing. At the same time, it may take some time until he can trust you again without worrying about losing you to another man.
Many experts nowadays also advise you to sweep a one-time slip under the carpet so as not to hurt your partner. However, keep in mind that in this case you have to be completely at peace with yourself and forgive yourself. Otherwise, the whole thing will develop into a huge psychological burden, which will ultimately affect your quality of life.
So: first weigh up for yourself which solution YOU can live with best and then decide which approach is best for you.
Love and all the best,
Dr. Randy
Also interesting: My first time cruising