I would like to cruise for the first time. What do I have to keep in mind? (Max, 27 years)
Hello Dr. Randy,
I am Max and have been in a committed relationship for about two years. For a few months now, I've had the feeling that we've run out of steam, even though we love each other.
Therefore, I asked my partner if he would not like to have a little cruising adventure. I imagine that I have sex with another man and he watches me.
He seemed relatively open to the subject. Jealousy has never really played a big role with us anyway. But now I'm wondering whether the whole thing was really a good idea.
Is there anything I need to be aware of when cruising? Can anything "go wrong"?
Kind regards Max
first of all, I want to tell you that you are indeed right. Cruising can really help refresh a relationship that has "fallen asleep". However, this is not always the case! Sometimes it can also be that a partnership breaks up because of this kind of (at least physical) cheating.
However, if you or if YOU are absolutely sure that you have no problem sleeping with another partner or that it is not a problem if the other has sex with a stranger ... Why not?
Many gay couples devote themselves to cruising on a regular basis.
However, in order for the whole thing to work, you should ask yourself in the first step whether you might not become a little jealous "in case of emergency"? In your mail you write that your boyfriend could watch YOU during sex. But what if he wants to be active? Would that be okay with you? If not, you should set clear boundaries again.
Apart from that, the topic of contraception also plays an extremely important role when cruising. Since you will usually have sex with complete strangers, it is essential to protect yourself. Therefore: NEVER without a condom!
In many sex stores, by the way, there are so-called cruising sets. These contain, in addition to rubbers, among other things, often maps with popular locations and other useful tips.
It's best to wear comfortable clothes for your first time cruising. Sounds a little stuffy? Maybe! But after your first cruising adventure at the latest, you'll appreciate being able to change out of and back into your clothes quickly. This is especially true when you're cruising in parking lots or rest areas.
And now we are already at the next topic: the place! Please note that you can not have sex "just anywhere". Otherwise, you may quickly be guilty of the so-called "public nuisance".
Otherwise, the same rules still apply for the first time cruising as for a classic one-night stand. Especially if you are traveling alone, it is important to tell at least one person from your circle of friends where you are. Take your cell phone with you in case of emergency.
Last but not least, never set out with too high expectations. Maybe you have inhibitions on the spot and want to look at the situation "from a distance" first? Many couples love to be observed during sex anyway. Depending on your preference, this sometimes creates a welcome win-win situation. Of course, if you want and find the right partner on the spot (or have arranged to meet on the Internet), you can also jump right "into the fray".
I wish you or you in any case a lot of fun!