Hello Dr. Randy, the scene has become too superficial for me - or is it me? (Martin, 42 years)
I came out about 20 years ago and am therefore well "in the subject".
I've been single again for about a year - after a long relationship - and have to realize how much has obviously changed since then.
My ex-boyfriend and I got together about 15 years ago (!). At that time everything was somehow still easy. We got to know each other through our mutual circle of friends and were together at some point.
I have now started to put out my feelers again. But all the guys I meet come across to me superficial. It's all about money, looks, likes and the like. Is this now really "typical of the scene" or do I just have bad luck? It can not be that I am asked at the first meeting, what I earn!
So slowly, I no longer enjoy the data. At the same time, I notice that I don't want to be alone. Do you have a tip?
Thank you, greeting and kiss, Martin
Dear Martin,
believe me: many singles know the problem! They lived for years in a relationship and are now confronted "overnight" with the singles market.
Of course it's hard to find your way around here again - especially if, like you, you've had bad experiences.
But I can reassure you and tell you what I'm sure you already secretly know: not every gay man is superficial. The changes you notice are due to the new opportunities. It's rarely been easier to meet new people. And of course, if you go on a lot of dates, there may be one or two who aren't right for you.
Sure: there are ALWAYS such and such, of course also among heteros. It is also useless to just start dating and hope that the next one will be different or will become a personal jackpot.
If you want to avoid disappointing dates or at least reduce the probability of them, I can give you the following tip: take your time for dating preparation! By "time" I mean that you invest a little effort when it comes to getting to know your date in spe - for example via chat.
With a little sensitivity, you can quickly find out what makes him tick. Of course, the whole thing works even better if you talk to him on the phone before the first date. Your gut feeling can often draw helpful conclusions from his voice alone. (By the way, it is worth listening to your gut feeling in most cases. It's usually right).
Of course, a thoroughly interesting question would be "Why do you think men are shallow?". The fact that more pictures are now being sent is largely due to the technical possibilities. Here it would actually be wrong to prejudge someone. On the other hand, I consider the question about the salary at the first meeting to be very "meaningful".
But, to answer your initial question, the scene has not changed with regard to any superficiality. Men who care about their appearance or financial background have always existed and will always exist. This is not a phenomenon of the scene, but human characteristics that are more present in some, less in others.
I would not say that you have had bad luck in the past. I would just say that you haven't found the right person yet. And that's okay. Give yourself time to get to know new people and also enjoy being single! The happier and more balanced you are, the greater the likelihood that you might soon find your perfect match.
Your Dr. Randy
You feel hurt because he never says he loves you?