Hello Dr. Randy, What do I do if my child is being bullied? (Lars, 37 years)
Actually, I couldn't be happier. My husband and I adopted our son about a month ago. We now feel like a real family and enjoy every moment together.
Jonas, our son, is now three years old and is soon to start kindergarten.
Of course, like any parent, we want him to have a fulfilling childhood. The thought that there are intolerant people who might see us as a rainbow family with a child as "different" or "not normal" makes me angry and worried at the same time.
I am afraid that my son could be bullied in kindergarten because he has two dads. In the meantime, the subject is giving me sleepless nights. My husband is much more relaxed about this than I am. He thinks I should wait and see how things develop. What advice do you have for me?
Best thanks, Lars
Dear Lars,
first of all, congratulations! It can be incredibly fulfilling to take such a special step and I'm glad your family has expanded.
Of course, you want only the best for your child. Accordingly, it is perfectly normal for you to deal with scenarios such as bullying or intolerance. First of all, let me tell you: you are not alone in these considerations! There are also many straight parents who struggle with exactly these thoughts.
Children can be mean, that's true. But - as neutral as it may sound at first - you can't protect your child from everything, unfortunately. In addition, children are taught their ideas of the "perfect family". This means: the problem usually lies in the upbringing. Children who are raised to believe that gay or lesbian couples are "weird" often hold this view without questioning the whole thing.
My first advice is that you listen a little more to your partner and actually relax and wait at first. Surely the other children will notice at some point that Jonas has two daddies. Maybe he will even tell them about it himself. But you don't know yet how the others will react. Maybe they find the rainbow concept "cool"? Children in particular are often more tolerant and open-minded than is often assumed(as already mentioned), provided they have been brought up accordingly.
But let's also take a brief look at the worst case scenario. If your son is actually being teased in kindergarten, the first step is to boost his self-confidence and talk to the teachers about the problem. After all, they are the supervisors who are on site for the entire kindergarten day anyway. If they know about the situation, they can keep a close eye on it and, if necessary, talk to the children's parents.
But again: many parents(whether same-sex or straight) worry too much about whether their child might be teased in kindergarten or later at school. Therefore: wait, observe and in case of emergency ask for a talk with the kindergarten teacher. However, experience shows that many problems of this kind disappear into thin air.
Love and all the best for you three,
Dr. Randy
At least as bad is stalking and when he won't leave you alone anymore.