Hi Dr. Randy, I can't cope with my partner being bisexual (John, age 24).

I have been together with my boyfriend for about three months. He is about my age and slowly but surely we tell each other a lot about his past. Recently he "confessed" to me that he has already had two relationships with women.

He also says that he finds some women from our environment attractive. Surely he thinks nothing of it, but I could go crazy! I always deal with the thought that because of his bisexuality he has - at least theoretically - twice as many possibilities to cheat on me.

In general, I am rather pessimistic about such issues and I can already see that he will eventually leave me for a woman. To protect myself from my gloomy thoughts, I have even considered leaving him.

Please help me.

Greetings John

My partner is bisexual

Dear John,

In fact, the assumption that bisexual men (or women) are generallymore"unfaithful" than purely homosexual or heterosexual people is a widespread prejudice. Have you ever asked yourself in the last few weeks whether your fears are actually justified?

To me it sounds like there is actually no reason to distrust your boyfriend. Only the fact that he seems to be interested in women or has had two relationships with women in the past makes you sit up and take notice.

Does he say about himself that he is bisexual? There are some gay men who find women attractive but could not imagine having a relationship with them. Just because someone likes the female body or the look of a woman doesn't mean he is bisexual.

But assuming your boyfriend is actually bisexual: why would he want to jeopardize a functioning relationship if he is happy with you (!)? Bisexual people are by no means always looking or anxious to really take advantage of all their opportunities. Surely you also know from your own experience that prejudices that many homosexuals face are also not true.

I can therefore only advise you to try to enjoy your relationship and worry less. However, if at some point there is an indication that your boyfriend is cheating on you, you should of course bring it up in order to clarify the situation. Speaking of which, does your partner actually know about your fears? Maybe he can take them away in a clarifying conversation?

One thing is certain: at this point in time, it would be absolutely inadvisable to jeopardize your future merely because of a prejudice!

However, if your jealousy continues to build up and your mind keeps spinning, it is advisable that you seek help if necessary. Fears of this kind can otherwise rob you of a large part of your quality of life.

PS.: And please do not misunderstand! With my lines I don't want to say that it is absolutely impossible that your boyfriend will fall in love with another person someday. I just want to show you that the probability that a bisexual person cheats is not greater than the probability that a homosexual or a heterosexual person in a happy (!) relationship is oriented differently.

All the best to you/you guys!
Kind regards Dr. Randy

 

Do you know the problem? Our sex is really boring!

2 responses to "My partner is bisexual"

  1. He will not be able to bear this feeling for long,playing a double game,then you will know if he has decided for you,or the woman.The sooner he does that the more honest he is!!!!

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  2. So, if your friend suddenly distances himself from you and behaves as if he is annoyed, in conflict situations he behaves more impulsively than you are used to, then these are striking signs that he no longer appreciates your presence as much as he did when the beloved was not yet there.Ooh yes, that hurts especially.

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