Hello Dr. Randy, I can't orgasm during sex (Leon, 19 years)
my boyfriend and I have been together for about three years. For about half a year I have had problems with coming to orgasm.
Only with the blow job or the hand job it works... And that only with effort. The last time that I came during sex seems to me to be "forever" ago.
I have absolutely no idea what I am doing "wrong", since nothing has actually changed. I have - at least consciously - no stress and of course still find my boyfriend horny.
Nevertheless, it just doesn't work anymore. The whole thing frustrates me and us very much. My boyfriend already thinks it's because of him. Sometimes we have real discussions about this topic. What should I do?
Your Leon
Dear Leon,
Unfortunately, I can't tell you why you are currently having problems coming during sex. The reasons for this can lie in a wide variety of areas.
This means that both physical and psychological conditions can be decisive. For example, I would not (yet) completely rule out stress. Because: this is one of the most classic disruptive factors of all. Disappointingly, many people do not notice when they are stressed in everyday life. Here it can make sense to listen to yourself once again and ask yourself whether something may have changed in the past.
And even if stress was not the original reason for your orgasm problems, it may be now. You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself. However, too much pressure is poison when it comes to enjoying the most fulfilling sex life possible.
Other known causes include alcohol consumption, certain medications, and physical problems such as insufficient blood flow, hormonal imbalances, and diabetes.
Don't worry! In most cases, however, the causes are harmless. Nevertheless, it is important that you have your problem clarified, since this "phase" has now extended over a period of several months.
Your first point of contact is your attending physician. Ideally, he or she can rule out a physical illness in this area or prescribe treatments and medications that can help you get to grips with the symptoms. If a (possible) physical cause has been eliminated, there will be no more orgasm problems for the most part.
But assuming that the aforementioned pressure to perform is actually responsible for your "sex orgasm lull", you can try to get on top of the problem with autogenic training and sports. A "nice" side effect: training of this kind can not only support a carefree sex life, but also improve your own quality of life at the same time.
But last but not least, regardless of the cause, it is also important to talk to your boyfriend. Neither of you is to blame for the current situation. These kinds of problems happen in the best relationships, but they are usually temporary.
Maybe it will also help you to let off steam a little in connection with sex toys? Among other things, there are cock rings that can have an additional stimulating effect (and promote orgasm). Just take some time and see what might turn you on. And very important: say goodbye to the idea of performance! This provides additional stress.
I wish you both all the best!
Your Dr. Randy
I'm not sure, but I think my friend is flirting with strangers!
I would also involve my best friend, who knows how you are polarized and she also has good solutions. Also entrust the doctor who knows that you stand on men or a psychologist who also knows that you stand on men. Talk to them and be honest in the conversation.