My boyfriend flirts with strangers!

Hello Dr. Randy, my husband is always flirting with strangers... And it makes me furious! (Luke, 32 years)

Actually, I'm comparatively self-confident. At 32 years old, nothing can upset me. Accordingly, I was always very sure of myself in my relationship.

I have been with my husband for eight years. Maybe we want to get married someday. But: I don't know if I would be able to cope with him flirting with strangers all my life.

As far as I know, he does not hang out in chats or the like. But I find it extremely disrespectful to have to stand next to him while he hits on other men, for example the salesman in the supermarket. The whole thing has already gone so far that I no longer feel like going out the door with him. My best friend says I'm exaggerating. What would you advise me to do?

Greeting Lukas

Dear Luke,

The way it reads, you seem to be very upset about the situation. I don't think your only concern is that your boyfriend might be cheating on you. You also don't like the position he is pushing you into - at least in your opinion.

Have you already talked to him about the problem? If so, how did he react? There are definitely people who are really very "flirty", but do not notice it. They are then of the opinion that they are "just being friendly" and do not mean their sayings and gestures in a bad or even insinuating way.

With the anger that speaks from your lines, I am relatively sure that the two of you have talked (and certainly argued) about the issue at least once.

I think it's important that you take some time to think about your relationship in general, not just the flirting. Are you (otherwise) happy? Is he happy? Do you really overestimate the situations in question - as your girlfriend suggests - perhaps?

There is certainly no point in making accusations here. However, it is best to ask him to talk to you. Explain to him how you feel and that it hurts you when he tells the man at the cash register how good he looks. As long as you remain calm and perhaps also emphasize that it is, among other things, his openness and sympathy that made you fall in love with him, the likelihood of the whole thing escalating is actually low.

However, it is also clear that you must ultimately decide whether you can live with your "flirty" friend or not. It sounds hard, but it is a question that you have to ask yourself. However, I don't think that the fronts here will remain hardened if you really manage to talk calmly with him.

Who wants to hurt their friend? If your friend is a little understanding and can put himself in your shoes, he is certainly willing to stop or at least reduce his "hobby".

However, if he absolutely does not understand why you are so upset, you can of course also try to turn the tables. How does he react when YOU suddenly start flirting with others? At the latest when he becomes jealous, he may realize how hurtful such behavior can be.

I wish you all the best and hope I have helped you a little.

Your Dr. Randy

 

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