Hello Dr. Randy, What kind of sick game is this? (Luke, 18 years)
I met a guy about three months ago. In my opinion, we got along wonderfully from the first day. We soon started talking regularly on the phone and writing to each other in the morning and in the evening.
However, there has been radio silence from his side for a week now. He does not write at all anymore. If I write, I can be happy if I get an answer hours later.
Yesterday I couldn't stand it anymore and asked him about it. He says he doesn't know what I mean and "everything would be like before". But it's not. I'm not imagining it after all. Could it be that he is acting this way because he wants me to end the relationship? Does he not feel like it anymore? If so, what's the point?
Love Luke
Dear Luke,
difficult situation. Strictly speaking, as you write, it's not even classic ghosting, since he seems to contact you - even if it's on demand. But you're right: People for whom it's important to be appreciated, among other things with regular phone calls and messages, quickly feel insecure in such situations.
However, there is something to suggest that you may not have to worry too much. Many people - including many straight people, by the way - do not withdraw from an initial phase in order to become clear about their own feelings. Among other things, they then often ask themselves how serious the relationship could become and where they stand.
So it may well be that your boyfriend is now withdrawing in order to deal with you and your chances of a future together a little more thoroughly. The worst thing you could do now would be not to accept this withdrawal (even if it was not explicitly announced) and bombard him with messages.
If you had a good relationship, there is a good chance that he will contact you in a few days as if nothing had happened.
Since you directly addressed him about the changed situation, I assume that in this relationship you are a person who wears his heart on his tongue?! However, you can't expect exactly that from everyone. Maybe your sweetheart didn't dare to ask for a little more privacy because he didn't want to hurt you? One thing is certain: if he had wanted to leave you, for example, he would have had the "perfect opportunity" to do so when you asked. However, he didn't take it. This means that he probably sees a future for both of you.
But you already realize: There are numerous possibilities why your boyfriend COULD react this way. However, it's no use trying to read his mind. You need a little patience and understanding - and distraction. This way, the time until the next reunion will certainly not be too long.
To calm yourself down, you can keep reminding yourself that it's your partner's turn now. You have made him understand that you have noticed that things have changed. Give him time to come to terms with the deeper relationship. Most of the time, it becomes apparent in retrospect that a partnership can become even more intense after such a self-discovery phase.
All the best to you/you guys!
Kind regards Dr. Randy
He wants the risk and you want the security? Then tell him "I only do it with rubber".
@Disneyfan98: Thank you very much for your report. You are right what you write. It is unfortunately so that also platonic friendships can end. Also with colleagues and female colleagues. I have experienced this very often. And the one who always approaches the others and tries to stay in contact was always just me. I think I am a very strong and very grounded personality. I don't run after anyone or anything. And I don't accept stupid excuses and I don't want to hear such stupid excuses. Most people are completely and utterly flat-headed. They always want everything from OTHERS and then also IMMEDIATELY and EVERY TIME. And always it is only about ME! Stop with such absolutely immature and exploitative and very toxic characters. Je suis solitaire. Period !!!! And don't worry. The way of dealing has become more and more relaxed. And even more so because of Corona Lockdown. And look how many people need nervous/medical/therapeutic help. And the society is almost only egocentric. Always faster, further and more and more. Above all everyone wants only one thing: MONEY, MONEY and again MONEY ! That goes at all. And preferably all according to the quite flat motto: Hartz 4, and the day is yours. How primitive and asocial can a society actually only be. It shows: Education in Germany has gone completely wrong. Parents, teachers, Kitas, ultimately - we all !!! - have failed GRÜNDLICHST. A scandal "Made in Germany". IT runs here some wrong in the colorful republic of Germany. Is it still 5 to 12 ???
What do you think ???
IT'S QUARTER N A C H. 12 !!! Too late.
Honi soit qui mal y pense.
A very sobering and shattering result for all of us and for Germany.
A pleasant day to you all.
Carpe DIEM !
Ora et Labora .......
All the best,
TrueLOVE
know the Problehm indirectly. If he is serious, he will contact you sooner or later. If not, then you can shoot him in the wind. Because then he is not worth being friends with you.
I know the Problehm otherwise only from friendships. I had mahl a buddy, with whom I also got along very well. It was a nice time. At some point we wanted to meet for swimming and he agreed with the idea, but when the time came, he found one excuse after another to postpone it further and further. Otherwise everything went on normahl. But at some point he began to ingnore me or to exaggerate his Scheretze and at some point was ice time.
With another buddy it was so that we had met once a week to play Mario Kart. At some point, we wanted together in WG. Since my WG partner but did not want to swap, he is then moved to the other end of the Stat, which is actually still close. we have seen us after 2 mahl, a 3rd meal is not come to stande, because we both had a Thermin on the day and then the Kontagt was broken off, although I tried it.
Friends come and go. And you can and should not force anything. And if he is the right one, (no matter if on the friendship or on the relationship level), then he will come forward. And if not, then it was not the right one and it is good that it is over, no matter how painful it may be.