Hello Dr. Randy, My partner cruises but does not use a condom! (Daniel, 29 years)
I am really close to the separation. I have known for a long time that my boyfriend cruises with passion. I am actually not jealous and quite capable of separating sex and love.
We are also actually what you would call a "happy couple". Lately, though, I've been thinking more and more that I don't like him cruising "around the world" and then sleeping with me. After all, I don't know what diseases he brings home with him. We have been together for about four years and so far - thank God - nothing has happened. How long this will last, of course, I do not know.
I have also already spoken to him. He absolutely cannot understand my fears and calls me a philistine. If this continues, I will separate - or do you think I have another option?
Best thanks and greetings, Daniel
Dear Daniel,
To be honest, I find it irresponsible to cruise without a rubber in this day and age. So I can understand that you are angry by now - especially because your boyfriend doesn't seem to be able to even begin to understand your concerns.
Nevertheless, it is certainly worth fighting for your relationship. Especially since you also write that you are otherwise happy.
What you can do now? Good question! Even though you write that you have already talked to your sweetheart about the topic, I would recommend that you sit down together again. Explain to him urgently that you are not only worried about yourself, but also about him and that you don't want to sleep with him without a condom anymore.
Of course, there is also an alternative: He renounces cruising and undergoes an HIV test. If this is negative and he has no more sex outside your relationship in the future, you are - if you are also negative - on the safe side.
However, if he is so passionate about cruising, I am almost certain that this "compromise" is not a real alternative for him.
What exactly bothers him about condoms? Men who have used rubbers for a long time (or never) often don't know that the market has changed a lot over the last few years. There are now many rubbers that are almost not noticed at all (and are still safe, of course). Maybe your friend just hasn't found the right brand yet?
Anyway: to have sex with someone regularly who cruises without a rubber, I think is very dangerous. Therefore: talk to him! Make your point of view clear to him and show him possible alternatives. It would be a pity if a relationship in the 21st century would fail just because one party is not willing to protect himself (and the partner)! Is your boyfriend receptive to numbers and statistics? If so, you can also show him with the help of current values that AIDS still plays a role in almost all population and age groups today. The danger is by no means as far away as is often assumed.
Your Dr. Randy
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