Hello Dr. Randy, I am extremely burdened by my long distance relationship (Tommy, age 39).
I am 39, met a guy about half a year ago. I come from Frankfurt, he from Cologne. When we want to visit each other, we need about 2.5 hours on the highway (without traffic jams). I know: many who live in a long-distance relationship are laughing now. But: the distance is too great for us - also because of our jobs - to commute back and forth here every day.
However, I am increasingly noticing that the situation no longer makes me happy. In addition, I would like to be able to spontaneously drop in on my boyfriend in the evening without having to worry about having to get up at half past four the next morning to be at the office on time. I miss him a lot. In addition, he is a very sociable person and has already uninvited me the one or other weekend because he wanted to meet up with his buddies.
Thanks for your help, with love, your Tommy
Dear Tommy,
the problem you describe is known to many men (and of course women) who live in a long-distance relationship. Your dissatisfaction does not seem to be mutual. Apparently, your boyfriend is coping comparatively well with the current situation. However, that's exactly what doesn't really do you much good.
Therefore, it is now time to think about possible solutions. But what could they look like? Have you ever thought about moving in together? Admittedly, this is a big step. However, this would satisfy your longing from now on. But maybe it's enough to "just" live in the same city? Have you ever talked to your sweetheart about such scenarios?
If he doesn't want to change anything about the current situation, you need to think about how you can change your own personal way of dealing with the challenge of "long-distance relationship". Maybe it would help you to look for a new hobby? Or set up regular virtual dates? Fixed dates in the evening on the laptop do not replace personal contact, but they can help you to make the time until the weekend pass a little faster.
When reading your lines, I also notice that you are mainly bothered by the fact that your boyfriend can't be with you. You don't talk about another problem that many men in long-distance relationships have to deal with: the fear that your partner will cheat on you. That's a good sign! It shows that your basis of trust - despite the comparatively short relationship - seems to be quite stable. This is exactly what you can build on.
My tip: think about what hobbies and leisure activities you might enjoy and learn to look forward to the next reunion with your sweetheart without getting stuck on the particular date.
If you can manage to become a little more independent here, you will be able to enjoy your relationship even better - no matter if you might move in together in the near or in the slightly more distant future.
Love and all the best to you two,
Your Dr. Randy