Hello Dr. Randy, My boyfriend only wants to watch gay porn (Jan, 24 years)

You can read my problem already in the headline. My boyfriend watches gay porn. Daily, during the day, actually whenever he has time.

At first, I didn't really take the whole thing seriously. He watched the strips alone and I never really had anything to do with it.

In the meantime, however, the whole thing is getting out of hand. He watches the crap in every free minute and wants to try different things with me.

In general, I have no problem with different positions, BDSM and so on. On the contrary! Meanwhile, it seems to me, however, as if he would concentrate here extremely on the films and less on me. We even made a bet if he would manage not to watch for a week. After three days he gave up - which I find very alarming.

How do I get him away from the movies?
LG, Yours Jan

My boyfriend is addicted to gay porn

Dear Jan,

To me, it doesn't read like you have a problem with trying new things during sex. Rather, it seems to bother you that the movies are the focus.

However, you're also right when you write that it all becomes a bit concerning when your friend can't manage to give up gay porn for a week.

In principle, of course, nothing speaks against watching porn every now and then. Many couples also watch the flicks together. However, one problem that often arises is that unrealistic expectations are attached to "normal" everyday sex.

Sex in porn - whether gay, otherwise queer or straight - is almost ALWAYS different. Who loses the realistic view here, often feels his own sex life as boring.

In order for your situation to change, it is important that your boyfriend realizes that he has a problem. If it's really the case that he watches porn every day and - as you write - "in every free minute", there is a need for action. After all, porn is supposed to be fun, not a strain on a relationship.

So my advice is that you sit down and talk about the situation. Explain to him that you think it's a shame that he spends so much time watching porn and maybe that you feel a little bit left behind.

After that, observe how he reacts. Try to make the seriousness of the situation clear and don't allow everything to be ridiculed. Because: in the long run, it can't go on like this!

If your friend realizes that he has a problem, but is not able to help himself, you can of course make use of various support services. There are many official agencies that focus on addiction support, regardless of the type of addiction.

Perhaps it would also help your sweetheart if you accompanied him to such counseling? It is often easier to talk about such topics when you know that you are supported. Depending on the help offered, it is of course also possible to receive counseling anonymously. But as I said: in the first step it is important that HE realizes that he needs help and cooperates accordingly.

I wish you all the best for the future!
Your Dr. Randy

 

You suffer from self-doubt because you always think to yourself "I'm always too early!"

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