My friend writes with another (Matze, 27 years)
Hello Dr. Randy, I am the Matze 27 and I must admit that I am also to some extent to blame for my current situation, but... It happened now once. I looked into the cell phone of my friend. He was in the bath and why I did it, I do not know myself exactly.
Maybe I had some kind of premonition. In his course, I saw that he has been writing for weeks (!) with another guy who has been puking his guts out to him about his relationship. I don't know this guy. But he also keeps sending pictures of himself and writing to my boyfriend that he wishes his husband was that understanding. My boyfriend obviously doesn't think it's necessary to show boundaries. On the contrary! He also sends pictures diligently. Should I call him on it? The whole thing is driving me crazy. Of course, I currently use every free minute to browse his phone...
LG, Matze
Dear Matze,
It seems that the trust in your boyfriend was already cracked before you read the first messages. Why else would you have looked at his cell phone? Now you've discovered something that makes you sit up and take notice, but doesn't necessarily have anything to say.
However, since the topic seems to be bothering you a lot, I would definitely advise you to talk to your boyfriend. Sure: he probably won't be thrilled that you "rummaged", but what would be the alternative? If you don't talk to him about the correspondence, the whole thing will probably always weigh on you, because you wonder whether your boyfriend is cheating on you - even if "only" in his mind.
But maybe I can reassure you a bit: many men (and of course women) enjoy to exchange with others without serious intentions. I think if your friend would get Dick Pics or something like that, you would have written this here. Maybe the two are also just on the same wavelength?!
To get clarity here, there is no way around a conversation.
Apologize to your friend and still ask him for some clarification. However, it is especially important to let the matter rest. If he explains to you how he knows the man and why the two are writing to each other, you may feel a little better. After your conversation, however, if the "worst case" has not crystallized, you should not bring up the whole thing again, but instead work on your mutual basis of trust. If you have a solid foundation here, incidents like this can actually no longer happen (or only with great difficulty).
However, if it turns out - which I really don't think it will, since the writing between the two is obviously "too well-behaved" - that your boyfriend is having an affair after all, you will of course have to think about how to react. (If you then don't know what to do, you can of course get in touch again).
Either way, by breaking trust, rummaging through your phone, you may find that the situation gets a little heated. Give both of you time to accept this challenge. People are usually more afraid of this kind of conversation than they need to be.
All the best!
Your Dr. Randy
What should I do when it says? Help! My penis smells!
Dear Matze. I have witnessed this story, and also think that a debate is necessary. Surely the other man is just a chat friend, as I also have some, what would normally have good friends to each other. We write about all kinds of topics. I also chat sometimes at another provider where I have actually found chat friends. My sweetheart, whom I found here at Planet-Randy, certainly also writes with other people. But that doesn't make me nervous right away, even though we haven't seen each other in person yet.
I wish you a good conversation so that your worries pass in peace and relief. All love Ulli.