Many queers know the problem: shortly after coming out, unpleasant questions come now and then. "Finally" you can "someone like that" and can ask all the questions that have accumulated over the past years.
Every now and then, prejudices come up here that make you smile. Sometimes, however, the sentences speak of one thing above all: intolerance.
The following questions/ statements are particularly annoying.
No. 1: Are you sure you're not actually "normal" after all?
This question is perceived by many queers as a slap in the face. He/she has probably spent months thinking about coming out and then the whole thing is dismissed as a "phase". Even if it is certainly not meant that way, such a question is a slap in the face for the person concerned and can actually be very hurtful.
No. 2: Are you the man or the woman?
It is an old prejudice that in same-sex relationships "one hasto bethe man and one the woman". Queers know this. However, those who have not yet dealt with the topic in depth do not see a problem in the fictitious man-woman construct. There is really only one thing that helps here: enlighten!
No. 3: Somehow it doesn't show that you are queer?!
No? That's probably because there are no differences! Especially in the 1990s, the prejudice was stirred up - among other things also via the media - that lesbian women are often "man-women" and gay men are often extremely feminine.
Unfortunately, many people - even if they don't mean any harm - are still of the opinion that they can recognize queers. However, people - regardless of whether they are queer or not - cannot be pigeonholed. It is definitely worth getting to know everyone and thus certainly also discovering that a person is characterized by more than "just" their sexual orientation.
No. 4: Too bad about you, actually!
This "compliment" is rarely well received. "Too bad about you!" Implies a "You're throwing your life away.".
You need a very thick skin here not to take this sentence too much to heart.
No. 5: Are you faithful?
Interestingly, this is a phrase that gay men are confronted with comparatively often. Lesbian women or even straight men far less so. Just imagine: A small talk among heteros and at a late hour this sentence falls! Actually an absolute no-go! Unfortunately, however, many people seem to think that it is quite appropriate to confront gay men with this question. After all, gay men are always unfaithful, aren't they? No! No shit!
No. 6: Have you been disappointed by a woman/man?
Another absolute classic! It could be that he/she is only gay/lesbian or queer because he/she was disappointed by the opposite sex.
However, sexual orientation is by no means a form of revenge, nor is it something that a person would consciously choose. Rather, it is one's own nature, which ideally is accepted not only by the person himself, but also by his environment.
How should you respond to prejudice?
Especially when the above sentences are uttered among friends, it can usually be assumed that they are not meant in a bad way. Nevertheless, they can hurt. Accordingly, it is important to make a statement from the outset and draw a "red line".
Education should also not be dispensed with in this context. Always keep in mind: many people simply don't know any better. Those who manage to stay calm and explain factually are not only breaking a lance for themselves, but also for the rest of the community.
ESC winner Duncan Laurence avoids Hungary!